Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
