i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
