just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
