Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
