I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
