I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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