i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
