It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
