this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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