dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
