I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
