if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
