I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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