I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
