he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
