Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
