well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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