Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
