I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So much Jack, so little girl.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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