The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
