you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
