i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He felt like a one man threesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
