ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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