I accidentally burped into my bong.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
