ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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