My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
