My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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