I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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