I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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