when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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