i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
