It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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