I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
