So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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