I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
