Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
