no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
