we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
