You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
