It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
