Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
