He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
