Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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