My cat gives me a boner
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
