I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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