I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
