I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
