walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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