there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
