Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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