I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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