you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
