He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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