i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
