This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
